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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Amusing Sayings Proverbs and Quotations - 47

Thomas Jefferson

The beauty of the second amendment is that it will not be needed until they try to take it.


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Clarence Buddinton Kelland

My father didn't tell me how to live he lived, and let me watch him do it.


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Samuel Butler

He that is down can fall no lower.


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Groucho Marx

From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.


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Woody Allen

There are three rings involved with marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.


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Charles Augustin Sainte-Beauve

Tell me who admires you and loves you, and I will tell you who you are.


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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

The first thing was, I learned to forgive myself. Then, I told myself, 'Go ahead and do whatever you want, it's okay by me.'


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Thomas Jefferson (The Declaration of Independence)

Whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it, and to institute new government...


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Victor Hugo

A man is not idle because he is absorbed in thought. There is a visible labor and there is an invisible labor.


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Godfather, The

Don Corleone I'm a superstitious man, and if some unlucky accident should befall Michael - if he is to be shot in the head by a police officer, or be found hung dead in a jail cell... or if he should be struck by a bolt of lightning - then I'm going to blame some of the people in this room and then I do not forgive. But with said, I pledge - on the souls of my grandchildren - that I will not be the one to break the peace that we have made today.


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O. Henry

It was beautiful and simple, as truly great swindles are.


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Henry Miller

One's destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.



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