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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Sarcastic Sayings Proverbs and Quotations - 36
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Alexander Graham Bell
When one door closes another door opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
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Mark Twain, "Is Shakespeare Dead?"
I cannot call to mind a single instance where I have ever been irreverent, except toward the things which were sacred to other people.
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Jack Youngblood
I visualize things in my mind before I have to do them. It is like having a mental workshop.
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William Shakespeare
What a piece of work is a man how noble in reason how infinite in faculty in form and moving how express and admirable in action how like an angel in apprehension how like a god
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John von Neumann, on being phoned at 10 a.m.
You wake me up early in the morning to tell me I am right? Please wait until I am wrong.
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Betty White
I think we're losing our sense of humor instead of being able to relax and laugh at ourselves. I don't care whether it's ethnicity, age, sexual orientation, or whose ox is being gored.
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John Locke
I have always thought the actions of men the best interpreters of their thoughts.
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Laurence J. Peter
There are two kinds of failures those who thought and never did, and those who did and never thought.
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Dave Barry
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
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Theodore Roosevelt
Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.
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Bob Dylan
All this talk about equality. The only thing people really have in common is that they are all going to die.
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Winston Churchill
Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others.
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