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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Amusing Sayings Proverbs and Quotations - 37
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Calvin Trillin
Health food makes me sick.
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Albert Einstein
My life is a simple thing that would interest no one. It is a known fact that I was born and that is all that is necessary.
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Anna Quindlen
If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all.
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George Bernard Shaw
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
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Charlie McCarthy
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
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Mark Twain
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
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Assyrian Proverb
Life is unbearable, but death is not so pleasant either.
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John Peter Zenger
No nation ancient or modern ever lost the liberty of freely speaking, writing, or publishing their sentiments, but forthwith lost their liberty in general and became slaves.
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John Dryden
Men are but children of a larger growth, Our appetites as apt to change as theirs, And full as craving too, and full as vain.
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Doug Larson
Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.
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Woody Allen
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who cannot remember where they left things.
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Linda Dillow, "Calm My Anxious Heart"
Ultimately, contentment is more a shift in attitude than a change in circumstances.
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