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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funniest Sayings Proverbs and Quotations - 79
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Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over.
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Henry Ford
History is more or less bunk. It's tradition. We don't want tradition. We want to live in the present and the only history that is worth a tinker's damn is the history we made today.
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
One thing about my Aunt Nadie She was gruff on the outside, but if you ever needed something, like a spanking or a scolding, she'd give it to you.
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what IS that thing
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Menander
Deus ex machina A god from the machine
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James Abbott McNeill Whistler
You shouldn't say it is not good. You should say, you do not like it and then, you know, you're perfectly safe.
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Jerry Coleman
It's off the leg and into the left field of Doug Radar.
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Zig Ziglar
There's often no way you can look into the game of life and determine whether or not you'll get that big break tomorrow or whether it will take another week, month, year or even longer. But it will come
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George Sand
Guard well within yourself that treasure, kindness. Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness.
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Enrico Fermi
There's two possible outcomes if the result confirms the hypothesis, then you've made a discovery. If the result is contrary to the hypothesis, then you've made a discovery.
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.
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James Russell Lowell
Mishaps are like knives, that either serve us or cut us, as we grasp them by the blade or the handle.
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