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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Funny Random Funny Quotes - 191

Dennis Miller (told to me by a CV employee)

This place makes Mayberry look like a think tank.


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Miss Piggy

Never eat more than you can lift.


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Oliver Wendell Holmes

Death tugs at my ear and says: Live, I am coming.


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Woodrow Wilson

You are not here merely to make a living. You are here to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, and with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world. You impoverish yourself if you forget this errand.


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Unknown

A healthy family is sacred territory.


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Charles M. Schulz

Try not to have a good time...this is supposed to be educational.


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Chinese Proverb

He who hurries can not walk with dignity.


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Norman Fischer

We all need to have a creative outlet - a window, a space - so we don't lose track of ourselves.


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Homer

The fates have given mankind a patient soul.


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Ato Boldon

My performances have finally caught up with my ego.


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Sir William Drummond

He who will not reason is a bigot he who cannot is a fool and he who dares not is a slave.


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Salvador Dali

Repulsion is the sentry that guards the gate to all that we most desire.



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