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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Clever Random Quotes and Sayings - 188

Abraham Lincoln

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.


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Oscar Wilde, The Critic as Artist, 1891

The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius.


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George Meredith

But O the truth, the truth. The many eyes That look on it! The diverse things they see.


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Cato the Elder, from Plutarch, Lives

Wise men profit more from fools than fools from wise men; for the wise men shun the mistakes of fools, but fools do not imitate the successes of the wise.


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Bertrand Russell

Science may set limits to knowledge, but should not set limits to imagination.


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Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt, p. 205

Even he, to whom most things that most people would think were pretty smart were pretty dumb, thought it was pretty smart.


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William Lyon Phelps

The happiest people are those who think the most interesting thoughts. Those who decide to use leisure as a means of mental development, who love good music, good books, good pictures, good company, good conversation, are the happiest people in the world. And they are not only happy in themselves, they are the cause of happiness in others.


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Young

Tomorrow is the day when idlers work, and fool reform, and mortal men lay hold on heaven.


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William Adams

I desire so to conduct the affairs of this administration that if at the end, when I come to lay down the reins of power, I have lost every other friend on earth, I shall at least have one friend left, and that friend shall be down inside me.


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Thomas Jefferson

When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.


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Francois Marie Arouet Voltaire

If God did not exist it would be necessary to invent Him. But all nature cries aloud that He does exist that there is a supreme intelligence, an immense power, an admirable order, and everything teaches us our own dependence on it.


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George Santayana

Music is essentially useless, as life is.



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