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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Amusing Random Quotes and Sayings - 157

Harry Shearer

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure?


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Edward Gibbon

Unprovided with original learning, unformed in the habits of thinking, unskilled in the arts of composition, I resolved to write a book.


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J. Paul Getty

No one can possibly achieve any real and lasting success or get rich in business by being a conformist.


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Muhammad Ali

Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.


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John Kenneth Galbraith

If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.


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Joseph F. Newton

A duty dodged is like a debt unpaid it is only deferred, and we must come back and settle the account at last.


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Albert Einstein

If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.


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Frank Sinatra

I feel sorry for people who do not drink. When they wake up in the morning it is as good as they are going to feel all day.


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Judith Stern

Experience: A comb life gives you after you lose your hair.


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Lady Astor

The only thing I like about rich people is their money.


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Jeffery F. Chamberlain

In a country as big as the United States, you can find fifty examples of anything.


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Unknown

Teach children to be polite and courteous in the home, and, when he grows up, he will never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.



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