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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Humorous Random Quotes and Sayings - 95
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William Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act 3, Scene 3
Though inclination be as sharp as will, My stronger guilt defeats my strong intent,
And, like a man to double business bound,
I stand in pause where I shall first begin,
And both neglect.
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Confucius, The Confucian Analects
The superior man is satisfied and composed; the mean man is always full of distress.
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Cicero
Our span of life is brief, but is long enough for us to live well and honestly.
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Unknown
It is not doing the things we like to do, But liking the things we have to do That makes life blessed.
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Ronnie Shakes
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'
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Elbert Hubbard
To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.
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Sir Winston Churchill
The reserve of modern assertions is sometimes pushed to extremes, in which the fear of being contradicted leads the writer to strip himself of almost all sense and meaning.
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Atlantic Starr
This fairy tale we're living is real inside our hearts.
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Max McGee
When it's third and ten, you can take the milk drinkers and I'll take the whiskey drinkers every time.
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Benjamin Franklin
There is no kind of dishonesty into which otherwise good people more easily and frequently fall than that of defrauding the government.
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Sir William Arthur
Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I may not forget you.
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Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings
Sorrow was like the wind. It came in gusts.
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