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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funny Random Quotes and Sayings - 121
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Alford
Elegance of language may not be in the power of all of us; but simplicity and straight forwardness are. Write much as you would speak; speak as you think. If with your inferior, speak no coarser than usual; if with your superiors, no finer. Be what you say; and, within the rules of prudence, say what you are.
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Michelangelo Buonarroti
Heaven-born, the soul a heavenward course must hold beyond the world she soars the wise man, I affirm, can find no rest in that which perishes, nor will he lend his heart to ought that doth time depend.
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Albert Einstein
I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity.
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Charlotte Cushman, quoted in O Magazine, December 2003
To try to be better is to be better.
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Virginia Woolf
I have lost friends, some by death... others through sheer inability to cross the street.
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Peter Sellers
There used to be a real me, but I had it surgically removed.
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Douglas Adams
There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
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Unknown
Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets and then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again.
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, 'Tadpoles Tadpoles is a winner' We all thought he was crazy. But then, we had some growing up to do.
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James J. Roche
Be not surprised if thou findest thyself in possession of unexpected wealth. Allah will provide an unexpected use for it.
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Saint Jerome
To saints their very slumber is a prayer.
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Leon Wieseltier
No great deed, private or public, had ever been undertaken in a bliss of certainty.
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