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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funny Random Quotes and Sayings - 141
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William Safire
The first ladyship is the only federal office in which the holder can neither be fired nor impeached.
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Hubert Humphrey
Certainly one of the chief guarantees of freedom under any government, no matter how popular and respected, is the right of the citizens to keep and bear arms. This is not to say that firearms should not be carefully used and that definite safety rules of precaution should not be taught and enforced. But the right of the citizens to bear arms is just one guarantee against arbitrary government and one more safeguard against a tyranny which now appears remote in America, but which historically has proved to be always possible.
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Amy Tan
Memory feeds imagination.
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Michel Eyquem de Montaigne
It is a sign of contraction of the mind when it is content, or of weariness.
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Oscar Wilde
Conscience and cowardice are really the same thing. Conscience is the trade-name of the firm.
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William Shakespeare, "The Tempest", Act 3 scene 2
He that dies pays all debts.
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Paul Valery
The folly of mistaking a paradox for a discovery, a metaphor for a proof, a torrent of verbiage for a spring of capital truths, and oneself for an oracle, is inborn in us.
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Ben Stein
You can do what you think you can do and you cannot do what you think you cannot.
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Ayn Rand
Men have been taught that it is a virtue to agree with others. But the creator is the man who disagrees. Men have been taught that it is a virtue to swim with the current. But the creator is the man who goes against the current. Men have been taught that it is a virtue to stand together. But the creator is the man who stands alone.
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Mae West
Virtue has its own reward, but no box office.
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Peter Ustinov
Critics search for ages for the wrong word, which, to give them credit, they eventually find.
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Henry Allen
It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it.
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