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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Sarcastic Random Quotes and Sayings - 176
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Nicolas Martin, www.iatrogenic.org
The headline reads, Docs say patients make them prescribe useless antibiotics. This puts a physician in roughly the same predicament as a serial killer. The latter says, Stop me before I kill again, while the former says, Stop me before I prescribe again.
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Jessie Sampter
Simplicity is the peak of civilization.
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Gen. Joseph Stilwell
Illegitimis non carborundum.Lat., Don't let the bastards grind you down.
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Mike Tyson
I'm in trouble because I'm normal and slightly arrogant. A lot of people don't like themselves and I happen to be totally in love with myself.
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Robert Collier
If you see yourself as prosperous, you will be. If you see yourself as continually hard up, that is exactly what you will be.
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Dumb & Dumber
Lloyd There's really nothing to worry about Mary. Statistically they say you're more likely to get killed on the way to the airport. You know, like on a head on crash or flying off a cliff or getting trapped under a gas truck That's the worst I have this cousin, well y'know, I had this cousin...
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Eido Tai Shimano Roshi
If you wish to know the divine, feel the wind on your face and the warm sun on your back.
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Robert Benchley
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
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Sir Robert Hutchinson
Vegetarianism is harmless enough, though it is apt to fill a man with wind and self-righteousness.
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Louis D. Brandeis
We shall have lost something vital and beyond price on the day when the state denies us the right to resort to force...
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Dick Cheney, KCI Expo Center, June 1 2004
This nation will never go back to the false comforts of the world before 9 11. We are engaging the enemy as we must, in places like Iraq and Afghanistan, so we will not have to face them here at home.
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Sara Teasdale
No one worth possessing Can be quite possessed.
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