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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Very Funny Random Funny Quotes - 40

Josh Billings

It's a wise man who profits by his own experience, but it's a good deal wiser one who lets the rattlesnake bite the other fellow.


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Calvin Miller, The Singer Trilogy

Love is substance; Lust, illusion. Only in the surge of passion do the two mingle in confusion.


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Norman Vincent Peale

Never say anything to hurt anyone. Moreover . . . refrain from double talk, from shrewd and canny remarks that are designed to advance our interests at someone's disadvantage. We are to turn our back upon evil, and in every way possible, do good, help people and bring blessings into their lives.


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Mark Twain

There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate when he can't afford it, and when he can. - from Following the Equator


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Elbert Hubbard

The artist needs no religion beyond his work.


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Franklin Roosevelt

Those who enjoy such freedoms as we enjoy, forget in time that men died to earn them.


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Bertie Forbes

History has demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered heartbreaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won because they refused to become discouraged by their defeats.


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Martin Mull

Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.


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H. L. Mencken

Happiness is the china shop; love is the bull.


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Ralph Waldo Emerson

Men are conservatives when they are least vigorous, or when they are most luxurious. They are conservatives after dinner.


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Norman Cousins

A library, to modify the famous metaphor of Socrates, should be the delivery room for the birth of ideas-a place where history comes to life.


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Lydia Maria Child

The cure for all ills and wrongs, the cares, the sorrows and the crimes of humanity, all lie in the one word 'love.' It is the divine vitality that everywhere produces and restores life.



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