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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funniest Random Funny Quotes - 29
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Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
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Thomas Paine
Whenever we read the obscene stories, the voluptuous debaucheries, the cruel and torturous executions, the unrelenting vindictiveness, with which more than half the bible is filled, it would seem more consistent that we called it the word of a demon than the Word of God. It is a history of wickedness that has served to corrupt and brutalize mankind.
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Derek Curtis Bok
I think the measure of your success to a certain extent will be the amount of things written about you that aren't true.
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Lois McMaster Bujold
Adulthood isn't an award they'll give you for being a good child. You can waste... years, trying to get someone to give that respect to you, as though it were a sort of promotion or raise in pay. If only you do enough, if only you are good enough. No. You have to just... take it. Give it to yourself, I suppose. Say, I'm sorry you feel like that and walk away. But that's hard.
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Denis Diderot
Our observation of nature must be diligent, our reflection profound, and our experiments exact. We rarely see these three means combined and for this reason, creative geniuses are not common.
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Frederick William Robertson
The true aim of everyone who aspires to be a teacher should be, not to impart his own opinions, but to kindle minds.
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Rita Rudner
My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
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Homer
It is equally wrong to speed a guest who does not want to go, and to keep one back who is eager. You ought to make welcome the present guest, and send forth the one who wishes to go.
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Dwight D Eisenhower
I would rather try to persuade a man to go along, because once I have persuaded him he will stick. If I scare him, he will stay just as long as he is scared, and then he is gone.
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Robert Benchley
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
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Robert A. Heinlein
There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.
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Leonard Louis Levinson
History is the short trudge from Adam to atom.
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