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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Clever Random Funny Quotes - 58
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Meryl Streep
Instant gratification is not soon enough.
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Mary Wortley Montagu
Prudent people are very happy 'tis an exceeding fine thing, that's certain, but I was born without it, and shall retain to my day of Death the Humour of saying what I think.
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Carl Sandburg
Nothing happens unless first a dream.
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Winston Churchill, Speech about World War II
Never in the course of history, have so many owed so much to so few.
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There\'s Something About Mary
Mary I want a guy who can play 36 holes of golf, and still have enough energy to take Warren and me to a baseball game, and eat sausages, and beer, not lite beer, but beer. That's my ad, print it up.
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Oliver Wendell Holmes
The great thing in this world is not so much where you stand, as in what direction you are moving.
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Erma Bombeck
If a man watches three football games in a row he should be declared legally dead.
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Charles Franklin Kettering
Our imagination is the only limit to what we can hope to have in the future.
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Katharine Hepburn
Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get--only with what you are expecting to give--which is everything.
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Sophocles
Death is not the worst thing rather, when one who craves death cannot attain even that wish.
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Isaac Bashevis Singer, New York Times Magazine, Nov. 26, 1978
We know what a person thinks not when he tells us what he thinks, but by his actions.
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Samuel Johnson
Wine makes a man more pleased with himself; I do not say that it makes him more pleasing to others.
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