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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Clever Random Funny Quotes - 58

Meryl Streep

Instant gratification is not soon enough.


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Mary Wortley Montagu

Prudent people are very happy 'tis an exceeding fine thing, that's certain, but I was born without it, and shall retain to my day of Death the Humour of saying what I think.


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Carl Sandburg

Nothing happens unless first a dream.


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Winston Churchill, Speech about World War II

Never in the course of history, have so many owed so much to so few.


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There\'s Something About Mary

Mary I want a guy who can play 36 holes of golf, and still have enough energy to take Warren and me to a baseball game, and eat sausages, and beer, not lite beer, but beer. That's my ad, print it up.


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Oliver Wendell Holmes

The great thing in this world is not so much where you stand, as in what direction you are moving.


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Erma Bombeck

If a man watches three football games in a row he should be declared legally dead.


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Charles Franklin Kettering

Our imagination is the only limit to what we can hope to have in the future.


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Katharine Hepburn

Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get--only with what you are expecting to give--which is everything.


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Sophocles

Death is not the worst thing rather, when one who craves death cannot attain even that wish.


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Isaac Bashevis Singer, New York Times Magazine, Nov. 26, 1978

We know what a person thinks not when he tells us what he thinks, but by his actions.


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Samuel Johnson

Wine makes a man more pleased with himself; I do not say that it makes him more pleasing to others.



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