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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Humorous Random Funny Quotes - 45
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Jonathan Swift
May you live all the days of your life.
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John B. Gough
If you want to succeed in the world you must make your own opportunities as you go on. The man who waits for some seventh wave to toss him on dry land will find that the seventh wave is a long time a-coming. You can commit no greater folly than to sit by the road side until someone comes along and invites you to ride with him to wealth or influence.
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William Shakespeare, "Romeo and Juliet", Act 2 scene 2
Good night, good night! parting is such sweet sorrow, That I shall say good night till it be morrow.
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Henry David Thoreau, simplify Simplify
Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.
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Napolean Hill
Your mental attitude is someting you can control outright and you must use self-discipline until you create a Positive Mental Attitude -- your mental attitude attracts to you everything that makes you what you are.
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Henry Louis Mencken
Giving every man a vote has no more made men wise and free than Christianity has made them good.
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Emily Elizabeth Dickinson
Parting is all we know of heaven and all we need of hell.
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St. Jerome
For the preservation of chastity, an empty and rumbling stomach and fevered lungs are indispensable.
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Egyptian Book of the Dead
My utterance is mighty, I am more powerful than the ghosts; may they have no power over me.
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Robertson Davies
Of mortals there is no one who is happy. If wealth flows in upon one, one may be perhaps Luckier than one's neighbor, but still not happy.
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Democritus
Our sins are more easily remembered than our good deeds.
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John Stuart Mill
War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.
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