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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Amusing Random Funny Quotes - 127
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Miguel de Cervantes
There are men that will make you books, and turn them loose into the world, with as much dispatch as they would do a dish of fritters.
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William Allen White
From 4 to 6 percent of the presidential office is not in administration but in morals, politics, and spiritual leadership . He has to guide a people in the greatest adventure ever undertaken on the planet.
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Jimmy Carter
The measure of a society is found in how they treat their weakest and most helpless citizens. As Americans, we are blessed with circumstances that protect our human rights and our religious freedom, but for many people around the world, deprivation and persecution have become a way of life.
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Isaac Newton
Did blind chance know that there was light and what was its refraction, and fit the eyes of all creatures after the most curious manner to make use of it? These and other suchlike considerations, always have, and always will prevail with mankind, to believe that there is a Being who made all things, who has all things in his power, and who is therefore to be feared.
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Saint Augustine
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
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George Burns
Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.
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Charles Buxton
To make pleasures pleasant, shorten them.
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Hermione Gingold, from a press report, 1973
A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch.
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Richard Darman
I have no idea what White House statement was was issued, but I stand by it 100 percent.
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Forrest Gump
Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.
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Shelly Roberts
If male homosexuals are called gay, then female homosexuals should be called ecstatic.
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Luther H. Hodges
If ignorance paid dividends, most Americans could make a fortune out of what they don't know about economics.
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