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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Funny Random Funny Quotes - 111

George Bernard Shaw

You'll never have a quiet world till you knock the patriotism out of the human race.


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Elain Heffner

The art of mothering is to teach the art of living to children.


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Oscar Wilde

The only charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception necessary for both parties.


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Andrew Schneider

Greetings on this most exceedingly beautiful spring morning. A morning swollen with new life, a morning on which, if I had the voice, I would let loose with song. It's hard to believe just a few short weeks ago we were eating our cornflakes in the wintery dark. Now, well it's still kind of dim out there, but I can see the golden glow of Apollo's chariot waiting in the wings, about to make its entrance. Winter's on the lam, no doubt.


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Thomas Jefferson

Democracy is 51% of the people taking away the rights of the other 49%.


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Seneca

We most often go astray on a well trodden and much frequented road.


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Mary Wortley Montagu

Life is too short for a long story.


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James Magary

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.


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Jane Wagner

Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it.


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Philip R. Zimmermann

If privacy is outlawed, only outlaws will have privacy.


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Anonymous

Diversity is the one true thing we all have in common. Celebrate it every day.


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Benjamin Disraeli

Whenever is found what is called a paternal government, there is found state education. It has been discovered that the best way to ensure implicit obedience is to commence tyranny in the nursery.



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