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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Funniest Random Funny Quotes - 89

Washington Irving

Great minds have purposes, others have wishes. Little minds are tamed and subdued by misfortune; but great minds rise above them.


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Ben Hecht

Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock.


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Bertrand Russell

It is because modern education is so seldom inspired by a great hope that it so seldom achieves great results. The wish to preserve the past rather than the hope of creating the future dominates the minds of those who control the teaching of the young.


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Machiavelli

It must be considered that there is nothing more difficult to carry out, nor more doubtful of success, nor more dangerous to handle, than to initiate a new order of things. For the reformer has enemies in all those who would profit by the old order, only lukewarm defenders in all those who would profit by the new.


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Yiddish Proverb

If a man is destined to drown, he will drown even in a spoonful of water.


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Bertrand Russell

Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.


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Hilaire Belloc

When I am dead, I hope it is said, 'His sins were scarlet, but his books were read'.


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Ricther

The conscience of children is formed by the influences that surround them; their notions of good and evil are the result of the moral atmosphere they breathe.


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Thomas Carlyle

A person usually has two reasons for doing something: a good reason and the real reason.


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Baron Rothschild, ca. 1800

There are three principal ways to lose money: wine, women, and engineers. While the first two are more pleasant, the third is by far the more certain.


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Oscar Fingall O\'Flahertie Wills Wilde

There is so much to be said in favor of modern journalism. By giving us the opinions of the uneducated it keeps us in touch with ignorance of the community.


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Bill Beattie

The aim of education should be to teach us rather how to think, than what to think--rather to improve our minds, so as to enable us to think for ourselves, than to load the memory with thoughts of other men.



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