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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Humorous Random Funny Quotes - 125

Author Unknown

A patient man is one who can put up with himself.


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Jane Wagner

All my life I wanted to be someone I guess I should have been more specific.


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Azel Backus

Error always addresses the passions and prejudices; truth scorns such mean intrigue, and only addresses the understanding and the conscience.


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A. E. Housman

In every American there is an air of incorrigible innocence, which seems to conceal a diabolical cunning.


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Richard Milhous Nixon

While technically I did not commit a crime, an impeachable offense... these are legalisms, as far as the handling of this matter is concerned it was so botched up, I made so many bad judgments. The worst ones, mistakes of the heart, rather than the head. But let me say, a man in that top job - he's got to have a heart, but his head must always rule his heart.


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John Kenneth Galbraith

The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking.


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Samuel Johnson

We cannot tell the precise moment when friendship formed. As in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop which makes it run over so in a series of kindness there is at last one which makes the heart run over.


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"Swedish Proverb"

Fear less, hope more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Hate less, love more; And all good things are yours.


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Arthur Schopenhauer

Honor has not to be won; it must only not be lost.


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Edward B. Butler

One man has enthusiasm for 30 minutes, another for 30 days, but it is the man who has it for 30 years who makes a success of his life.


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George Santayana

Culture is on the horns of this dilemma if profound and noble it must remain rare, if common it must become mean.


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Jane E. Brody

Turn your midlife crisis to your own advantage by making it a time for renewal of your body and mind, rather than stand by helplessly and watch them decline.



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