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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Humorous Random Funny Quotes - 85

Alfred Lord Tennyson

I am a part of all I have seen.


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Alice Childress

A gift - be it a present, a kind word or a job done with care and love - explains itself... and if receivin' it embarrasses you, it's because your 'thanks box' is warped.


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Naked Gun From the Files of Police Squad

Frank It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.


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James Thurber

I loathe the expression What makes him tick. It is the American mind, looking for simple and singular solution, that uses the foolish expression. A person not only ticks, he also chimes and strikes the hour, falls and breaks and has to be put together again, and sometimes stops like an electric clock in a thunderstorm.


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Henry David Thoreau

A man is wise with the wisdom of his time only, and ignorant with its ignorance. Observe how the greatest minds yield in some degree to the superstitions of their age.


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F Scott

Either you think--or else others have to think for you and take power from you, pervert and discipline your natural tastes, civilize and sterilize you.


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C. C. Colton

It is only when the rich are sick that they fully feel the impotence of wealth.


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Henry Louis Mencken

The only cure for contempt is countercontempt.


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Kenyan Proverb

He who refuses to obey cannot command.


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Maxims of Ptahhotep, 3400 B.C.

Be a craftsman in speech that thou mayest be strong, for the strength of one is the tongue, and speech is mightier than all fighting.


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Gladys Taber

A garden is evidence of faith. It links us with all the misty figures of the past who also planted and were nourished by the fruits of their planting.


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Bertrand Russell

Not to be absolutely certain is, I think, one of the essential things in rationality.



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