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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Clever Random Funny Quotes - 48
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Sir Winston Leonard Spenser Churchill
I gather, young man, that you wish to be a Member of Parliament. The first lesson that you must learn is, when I call for statistics about the rate of infant mortality, what I want is proof that fewer babies died when I was Prime Minister than when anyone else was Prime Minister. That is a political statistic.
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Steven Wright
I have the worlds largest seashell collection. You may have seen it, I keep it spread out on beaches all over the world.
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Russell Baker
The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him.
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John and Brand, Josh Falsey
You signed a contract. But much more important than that, you gave your word. And I intend to hold you to that word within the bounds of the law. If necessary, without the bounds of the law.
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Barbara Hall
Women have more to offer this world than just a fallopian tube. Nothing is going to change until you quit looking at us as just sperm receptacles.
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Joe Gores
Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to.
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Dogen Zenji
Understand clearly that when a great need appears a great use appears also; when there is a small need there is small use; it is obvious, then, that full use is made of all things at all times according to the necessity thereof.
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Edwin Hubbel Chapin
Never does the human soul appear so strong and noble as when it forgoes revenge and dares to forgive injury.
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Eric Hoffer
The opposite of the religious fanatic is not the fanatical atheist but the gentle cynic who cares not whether there is a god or not.
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Josephine Preston Peabody
One never learns by success. Success is the plateau that one rests upon to take breath and look down from upon the straight and difficult path, but one does not climb upon a plateau.
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John F. Kennedy
There are risks and costs to a program of action. But they are far less than the long-range risks and costs of comfortable inaction.
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English Proverb
Spread the table and contention will cease.
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