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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Funniest Random Funny Quotes - 59

Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

Let's be honest Isn't a lot of what we call tap dancing really just nerves


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Bernard M. Baruch, 1940

To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.


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Benjamin Franklin

Energy and persistence conquer all thing.


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Mahatma Gandhi

The only devils in this world are those running around in our own hearts, and that is where all our battles should be fought.


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Kin Hubbard

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.


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Sir William Osler

To study the phenomenon of disease without books is to sail an uncharted sea, while to study books without patients is not to go to sea at all.


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Socrates

Get not your friends by bare compliments, but by giving them sensible tokens of your love.


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Lady Nancy Astor

The main dangers in this life are the people who want to change everything -- or nothing.


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Edith Wharton, Vesalius in Zante

There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.


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John Keats, Letter to Fanny Brawne, Feb 1820 - died 1 year later

If I should die, I have left no immortal work behind me - nothing to make my friends proud of my memory - but I have loved the principle of beauty in all things, and if I had had time I would have made myself remembered.


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Bertrand Russell

Fear is, I believe, a most effective tool in destroying the soul of an individual--and the soul of a people.


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Moses Hasid

Reprimand not a child immediately on the offence. Wait till the irritation has been replaced by serenity.



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