Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

You know what would make a good story Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.

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Sophocles

It is not righteousness to outrage A brave man dead, not even though you hate him.

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John Ruskin, The Seven Lamps of Architecture, 1849

Of all the pulpits from which human voice is ever sent forth, there is none from which it reaches so far as from the grave.

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Carl Sagan

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.

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Oliver Wendell Holmes

There is no friend like an old friend who has shared our morning days, no greeting like his welcome, no homage like his praise.

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Henry David Thoreau

I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavours to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.

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Ronald Reagan

Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying.

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William James

If you want a quality, act as if you already had it. Try the 'as if' technique.

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Henry Ward Beecher

You never know till you try to reach them how accessible men are but you must approach each man by the right door.

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Han Suyin

There is nothing stronger in the world than gentleness.

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Frank Zappa

In the fight between you and the world, back the world.

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Arthur Miller

Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.

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