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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Humour Random Funny Quotes - 34

Irish Proverb

A dog owns nothing, yet is seldom dissatisfied.


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Homer

It is equally offensive to speed a guest who would like to stay and to detain one who is anxious to leave.


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Sharon Salzberg, O Magazine, The Power of Intention, January 2004

Each decision we make, each action we take, is born out of an intention.


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Friedrich Nietzsche

The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.


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The Mishnah

Say not, when I have leisure I will study you may not have leisure.


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Steve Prefontaine

A lot of people run a race to see who is fastest. I run to see who has the most guts, who can punish himself into exhausting pace, and then at the end, punish himself even more. Nobody is going to win a 5,000 meter race after running an easy 2 miles. Not with me. If I lose forcing the pace all the way, well, at least I can live with myself.


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Jesus

To this end was I born, and for this cause came I into the world, that I should bear witness unto the truth. Every one that is of the truth heareth my voice.


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Eleanor Roosevelt

I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision.


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J. Russel Lynes

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.


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Kin Hubbard

The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.


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Joseph Conrad

You shall judge a man by his foes as well as by his friends.


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Blackfoot chief, (c. 1880)

Our land is more valuable than your money. As long as the sun shines and the waters flow, this land will be here to give life to men and animals; therefore, we cannot sell this land. It was put here for us by the Great Spirit and we cannot sell it because it does not belong to us.



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