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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Sarcastic Random Funny Quotes - 16
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Evan Esar
Most new books are forgotten within a year, especially by those who borrow them.
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Bertrand Russell
The most savage controversies are those about matters as to which there is no good evidence either way.
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Ludwig Wittgenstein, Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus (1922)
The world of the happy is quite different from that of the unhappy.
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William Shakespeare
In a false quarrel there is no true valour.
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Charles Baudelaire
It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree.
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George Santayana, The Life of Reason, Volume 1, 1905
Progress, far from consisting in change, depends on retentiveness. When change is absolute there remains no being to improve and no direction is set for possible improvement: and when experience is not retained, as among savages, infancy is perpetual. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. In the first stage of life the mind is frivolous and easily distracted, it misses progress by failing in consecutiveness and persistence. This is the condition of children and barbarians, in which instinct has learned nothing from experience.
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Margaret Cho, weblog, 10-30-03
People drain me, even the closest of friends, and I find loneliness to be the best state in the union to live in.
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Henry Louis Mencken
Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
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Louis Kronenberger
Many people today don't want honest answers insofar as honest means unpleasant or disturbing. They want a soft answer that turneth away anxiety.
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Bill Watterson
I think of football as a sport the way ducks think of hunting as a sport.
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George Bernard Shaw
All professions are conspiracies against the laity.
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Laura Bush
You till be glad to know the President is practicing safe snacks. in reference to her husband's fainting spell caused by a pretzel
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