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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Amusing Random Funny Quotes - 57

H. Jackson Jr. Brown

Strive for excellence, not perfection.


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Anonymous

Temper gets you into trouble. Pride keeps you there.


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Jerry Coleman

Rich Folkers is throwing up in the bullpen.


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Lenin

While the State exists, there can be no freedom. When there is freedom there will be no State.


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J. R. R. Tolkien

Many that live deserve death. And some die that deserve life. Can you give it to them Then be not too eager to deal out death in the name of justice, fearing for your own safety. Even the wise cannot see all ends.


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Unknown

A friend is one to whom you can pour out the contents of your heart, chaff and grain alike. Knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.


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unknown, US Navy Wisdom

Good seamanship is recovering from an incident at sea. Great seamanship is avoiding an incident at sea.


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Italian Proverb

He who knows nothing doubts nothing.


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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

If there's ever an amusement park called Bag World, I bet it would really start to annoy you after a while how they really sort of stretch the definition of 'bag.'


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George Will, Newsweek, 2/22/93

...in the lexicon of the political class, the word sacrifice means that the citizens are supposed to mail even more of their income to Washington so that the political class will not have to sacrifice the pleasure of spending it.


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Ludwig Wittgenstein

Philosophy is a battle against the bewitchment of our intelligence by means of language.


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Donald Robert Perry Marquis

If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you but if you really make them think, they'll hate you.



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