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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Humour Random Quotes - 74

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Intellect annuls fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free.


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James Thurber

Early to rise and early to bed makes a male healthy and wealthy and dead.


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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

The sound of fresh rain run-off splashing from the roof reminded me of the sound of urine splashing into a filthy Texaco latrine.


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Fyodor Dostoevsky, "The Brothers Karamazov"

Man is tormented by no greater anxiety than to find someone quickly to whom he can hand over that great gift of freedom with which the ill-fated creature is born.


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Oswald Spengler

Socialism is nothing but the capitalism of the lower classes.


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Albert Camus

If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.


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Mark Twain

Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.


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H. L. Mencken

Philosophy consists very largely of one philosopher arguing that all others are jackasses. He usually proves it, and I should add that he also usually proves that he is one himself.


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LtGen Adolf Galland, Luftwaffe

Their element is to attack, to track, to hunt, and to destroy the enemy. Only in this way can the eager and skillful fighter pilot display his ability. Tie him to a narrow and confined task, rob him of his initiative, and you take away from him the best and most valuable qualities he posses: aggressive spirit, joy of action, and the passion of the hunter.


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Sara Teasdale

Can I ever know you Or you know me


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Richard Fenyman

What did you ask at school today


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Sir Richard Francis Burton

The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself.



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