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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Sarcastic Random Quotes - 56
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Napoleon Bonaparte
Victory belongs to the most persevering.
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Denis Watley
Our limitations and success will be based, most often, on your own expectations for ourselves. What the mind dwells upon, the body acts upon.
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Henry Fielding
Make money your god and it will plague you like the devil.
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Charles Knight
Anybody who accepts mediocrity - in school, on the job, in life - is a person who compromises, and when the leader compromises, the whole organization compromises.
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Theodore Roosevelt
When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer Present or Not Guilty.
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Abraham Maslow
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What one can be, one must be.
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.
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Thomas Jefferson
Never spend your money before you have it.
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Thich Nhat Hanh
The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.
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Waiter Rant, Waiter Rant weblog, 09-09-05
We want God to come and save us. But he won’t. God doesn’t stop levees from failing, he doesn’t stay the force of tsunamis, and he doesn’t stop planes from smashing into buildings. Deus Ex Machina is overrated.
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Henny Youngman
My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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Rita Mae Brown
Good judgment comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgment.
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