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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Humour Random Quotes - 194
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
When you go ice-skating, try not to swing your arms too much, because that really annoys me.
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Confucius
Learning without thought is labor lost thought without learning is perilous.
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Antoine De Saint-Exupery
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
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John Calvin
Without Christ, sciences in every department are vain....The man who knows not God is vain, though he should be conversant with every branch of learning. Nay more, we may affirm this too with truth, that these choice gifts of God -- expertness of mind, acuteness of judgment, liberal sciences, and acquaintance with languages, are in a manner profaned in every instance in which they fall to the lot of wicked men.
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Plato
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
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Ralph Waldo Emerson
Don't be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.
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Henry David Thoreau
Do not despair of life. Think of the fox, prowling in a winter night to satisfy his hunger. His race survives I do not believe any of them ever committed suicide.
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Billy Madison
Billy Shampoo is better. I go on first and clean the hair. Conditioner is better. I leave the hair silky and smooth. Oh, really, fool Really.
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Plato
Remember how in that communion only, beholding beauty with the eye of the mind, he will be enabled to bring forth, not images of beauty, but realities (for he has hold not of an image but of a reality), and bringing forth and nourishing true virtue to become the friend of God and be immortal, if mortal man may.N.B. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. See also Napoleon Bonaparte.
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Lady Mary Wortley Montagu
You can be pleased with nothing when you are not pleased with yourself.
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Wilbur Wright
It is possible to fly without motors, but not without knowledge and skill.
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Henry David Thoreau
The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
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