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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funniest Random Quotes - 179
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Eleanor Roosevelt, My Day
People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built.
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Nancy Reagan
I believe that people would be alive today if there were a death penalty.
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Mark Twain
Time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours.
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Terry Pratchett, Jingo
One of the universal rules of happiness is: always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
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Martin Luther King, Jr.
We must combine the toughness of the serpent and the softness of the dove, a tough mind and a tender heart.
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J. R. R. Tolkien, Letter to Michael Tolkien, March 1941
Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world, or even with a little more care in this very imperfect one) both partners might be found more suitable mates. But the real soul-mate is the one you are actually married to.
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Miguel de Cervantes
Delay always breeds danger and to protract a great design is often to ruin it.
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Author Unknown
Time invested in improving ourselves cuts down on time wasted in disapproving of others.
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Coco Chanel
In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different.
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William James
Only necessity understood, and bondage to the highest is identical with true freedom.
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Martin Luther
When God wants to speak and deal with us, he does not avail himself of an angel but of parents, or the pastor, or of our neighbor.
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Douglas Noel Adams
Totally mad. Utter nonsense. But we'll do it because it's brilliant nonsense.
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