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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Funniest Random Quotations - 29

Blaise Pascal, "Lettres provinciales", letter 16, 1657

I have made this letter longer, because I have not had the time to make it shorter.


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Coming to America

Reverend Brown Girl, you look so good, someone ought to put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit.


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Anonymous

The best defense against the atom bomb is not to be there when it goes off.


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Robert Francis Kennedy

I thought they'd get one of us, but Jack, after all he's been through, never worried about it ... I thought it would be me.


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Socrates

I decided that it was not wisdom that enabled poets to write their poetry, but a kind of instinct or inspiration, such as you find in seers and prophets who deliver all their sublime messages without knowing in the least what they mean.


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Frank Herbert, The Dosadi Experiment

If you think of yourselves as helpless and ineffectual, it is certain that you will create a despotic government to be your master. The wise despot, therefore, maintains among his subjects a popular sense that they are helpless and ineffectual.


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P. J. O\'Rourke

Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen.


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Elias Schwartz

Anything not worth doing is worth not doing well. Think about it.


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Joan Baez

You don't get to choose how you're going to die, or when. You can decide how you're going to live now.


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Anonymous

Unity in things necessary, liberty in things doubtful, charity in everything.


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Marge Piercy

Long hair is considered bohemian, which may be why I grew it, but I keep it long because I love the way it feels, part cloak, part fan, part mane, part security blanket.


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Abba Eban

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.



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