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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Funniest Random Quotes - 199

Leo C. Rosten

Satire is focused bitterness.


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Billy Madison

Billy Sometimes I feel like an idiot. But I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.


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Sir Winston Churchill

It is no use saying, We are doing our best. You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary.


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The Talmud

Whoever destroys a single life is as guilty as though he had destroyed the entire world and whoever resues a single life earns as much merit as though he had rescued the entire world.


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Charles Caleb Colton

To dare to live alone is the rarest courage since there are many who had rather meet their bitterest enemy in the field, than their own hearts in their closet.


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German proverb

When the fox preaches, look to the geese.


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Epictetus

There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.


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Henry David Thoreau

We seem but to linger in manhood to tell the dreams of our childhood, and they vanish out of memory ere we learn the language.


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Bell Hooks

The moment we choose to love we begin to move towards freedom...


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Mort Sahl

Reagan won because he ran against Jimmy Carter. Had he run unopposed he would have lost.


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Virginia Hanson

We must determine whether we really want freedom--whether we are willing to dare the perils of...rebirth... For we never take a step forward without surrendering something that we may have held dear, without dying to that which has been.


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Nora Ephron

If pregnancy were a book, they would cut the last two chapters.



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