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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Funniest Quotations from Famous People - 159

Bertrand Russell

Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons.


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Irv Kupcinet

What can you say about a society that says God is dead and Elvis is alive?


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Peter Ustinov

Her virtue was that she said what she thought, her vice that what she thought didn't amount to much.


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Francois de Fenelon

Discouragement is simply the despair of wounded self-love.


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Marion Barry, Mayor of Washington, D.C.

If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate.


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Albert Einstein

He who joyfully marches in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice.


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Mike Newlin

Genius is perseverence in disguise.


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Helen Keller

Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them; but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight.


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Rodney Yee

As we look deeply within, we understand our perfect balance. There is no fear of the cycle of birth, life and death. For when you stand in the present moment, you are timeless.


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Michael Landon

Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows.


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Ralph Waldo Emerson

Men's actions are too strong for them. Show me a man who has acted, and who has not been the victim and slave of his action.


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Bertrand Russell, The Philosophy of Logical Atomism

The point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as not to seem worth stating, and to end with something so paradoxical that no one will believe it.



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