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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Crazy Quotations from Famous People - 133

Woody Allen

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.


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Washington Irving

Great minds have purposes, others have wishes.


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Robert A. Heinlein

Theology is never any help it is searching in a dark cellar at midnight for a black cat that isn't there. Theologians can persuade themselves of anything.


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Benjamin Franklin

He is ill clothed, who is bare of virtue.


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Dr. Rob Gilbert

First we form habits, then they form us. Conquer your bad habits or they will conquer you.


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William Ralph Inge

Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due.


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Albert Einstein

...One of the strongest motives that lead men to art and science is escape from everyday life with its painful crudity and hopeless dreariness, from the fetters of one's own ever-shifting desires. A finely tempered nature longs to escape from the personal life into the world of objective perception and thought.


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Aristotle

He who cannot be a good follower cannot be a good leader.


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G. K. Chesterton

The rich are the scum of the earth in every country.


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Real Live Preacher

When someone allows you to bear his burdens, you have found deep friendship.


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Kahlil Gibran

I have learnt silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers.


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Friedrich Nietzsche, from the book Lies my Teacher Told Me. By James W. Loewen (1995)

Memory says, I did that. Pride replies, I could not have done that. Eventually memory yields.



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