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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Humorous Random Quotes - 145
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Robert Southey
If you would be pungent, be brief for it is with words as with sunbeams - the more they are condensed, the deeper they burn.
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William Shakespeare
Every man has business and desire, Such as it is.
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Orison Swett Marden
It is just the little touches after the average man would quit that make the master's fame.
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Joseph Stalin
Gratitude is a sickness, suffered by dogs.
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Paul O\'Neill
Senator, I started my life in a house without water or electricity. So I don't cede to you the high moral ground of not knowing what life is like in a ditch. to Senator Robert Byrd at a budget hearing
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Albert Schweitzer
To the question whether I am a pessimist or an optimist, I answer that my knowledge is pessimistic, but my willing and hoping are optimistic.
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Ralph Waldo Emerson
One man's justice is another's injustice one man's beauty another's ugliness one man's wisdom another's folly.
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Martin Luther
Grant that I may not pray alone with the mouth help me that I may pray from the depths of my heart.
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Will Rogers
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.
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Larry Niven, Ringworld
The gods do not protect fools. Fools are protected by more capable fools.
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Jewish Proverb
First mend yourself, and then mend others.
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George Bernard Shaw
It took me twenty years of studied self-restraint, aided by the natural decay of my faculties, to make myself dull enough to be accepted as a serious person by the British public.
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