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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funny Random Quotes - 91
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Al Franken
It's easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world.
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Lao-tzu, The Way of Lao-tzu
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
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Jean Cocteau
The actual tragedies of life bear no relation to one's preconceived ideas. In the event, one is always bewildered by their simplicity, their grandeur of design, and by that element of the bizzare which seems inherent in them.
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Alvin Toffler
The recognition that no knowledge can be complete, no metaphor entire, is itself humanizing. It counteracts fanaticism. It grants even to adversaries the possibility of partial truth, and to oneself the possibility of error.
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Martin Luther King, Jr.
We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us.
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Benjamin Cardozo
Freedom of expression is the matrix, the indispensable condition, of nearly every other form of freedom.
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Epictetus
First say to yourself what you would be and then do what you have to do.
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
I think a cute movie idea would be about a parrot who is raised by eagles. It would be cute because the parrot can't seem to act like an eagle. After a while, though, to keep the movie from getting boring, maybe put in some pornography. Later, we see the happy parrot flying along, acting like an eagle. He see two parrots below and starts to attack, but it's his parents. Then, some more pornography.
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Benjamin Franklin
Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.
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Sun-tzu
Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win.
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M. Grundler
The best inheritance a parent can give to his children is a few minutes of their time each day.
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Matthew Arnold
The freethinking of one age is the common sense of the next.
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