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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funny Random Quotes - 151
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run with a wooden stake.
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Lois McMaster Bujold
But pain... seems to me an insufficient reason not to embrace life. Being dead is quite painless. Pain, like time, is going to come on regardless. Question is, what glorious moments can you win from life in addition to the pain
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Georges Pomidou
A statesman is a politician who places himself at the service of the nation. A politician is a statesman who places the nation at his service.
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Janis Joplin, Biography of Joplin by Myra Freidman
I must be an optimist, because a pessimist is never disappointed.
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Margaret Chase Smith
When people keep telling you that you can't do a thing, you kind of like to try it.
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William Frank Buckley, Jr.
Well, we've only had a certain number of executions in the last few years- whatever it was- and two of them were for the personal convenience of Truman Capote.
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Miguel de Cervantes
'Tis said of love that it sometimes goes, sometimes flies runs with one, walks gravely with another turns a third into ice, and sets a fourth in a flame it wounds one, another it kills like lightning it begins and ends in the same moment it makes that fort yield at night which it besieged but in the morning for there is no force able to resist it.
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Russell Baker
Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things.
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George Herbert
Skill and confidence are an unconquered army.
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Anais Nin
Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.
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Igor Stravinski
Money may kindle, but it cannot by itself, and for very long, burn.
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A. A. Milne
How long does getting thin take? Pooh asked anxiously.
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