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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Funny Random Quotes - 151

Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run with a wooden stake.


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Lois McMaster Bujold

But pain... seems to me an insufficient reason not to embrace life. Being dead is quite painless. Pain, like time, is going to come on regardless. Question is, what glorious moments can you win from life in addition to the pain


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Georges Pomidou

A statesman is a politician who places himself at the service of the nation. A politician is a statesman who places the nation at his service.


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Janis Joplin, Biography of Joplin by Myra Freidman

I must be an optimist, because a pessimist is never disappointed.


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Margaret Chase Smith

When people keep telling you that you can't do a thing, you kind of like to try it.


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William Frank Buckley, Jr.

Well, we've only had a certain number of executions in the last few years- whatever it was- and two of them were for the personal convenience of Truman Capote.


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Miguel de Cervantes

'Tis said of love that it sometimes goes, sometimes flies runs with one, walks gravely with another turns a third into ice, and sets a fourth in a flame it wounds one, another it kills like lightning it begins and ends in the same moment it makes that fort yield at night which it besieged but in the morning for there is no force able to resist it.


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Russell Baker

Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things.


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George Herbert

Skill and confidence are an unconquered army.


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Anais Nin

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.


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Igor Stravinski

Money may kindle, but it cannot by itself, and for very long, burn.


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A. A. Milne

How long does getting thin take? Pooh asked anxiously.



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