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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funny Random Quotes - 171
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Hugh Elliott, Standing Room Only weblog, 05-01-04
If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
To me, there's no better symbol for the world than a grasshopper lying dead on a gravel road, and maybe there's a globe lying next to him.
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English Proverb
Don't dig your grave with your own knife and fork.
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Carl Hermann Voss
Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
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Martin Luther
A man cannot do good before he is made good.
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Joachim Du Bellay, Sonnet de Regrets
Happy the man who, like Ulysses, has made a fine voyage, or has won the Golden Fleece, and then returns, experienced and knowledgeable, to spend the rest of his life among his family!
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Sir John Vanbrugh
Virtue is its own reward. There's a pleasure in doing good which sufficiently pays itself.
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Kahlil Gibran
Would that I were a dry well, and that the people tossed stones into me, for that would be easier than to be a spring of flowing water that the thirsty pass by, and from which they avoid drinking.
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Cato the Elder
Lighter is the wound foreseen.
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J. Jacques, Questionable Content webcomic, #352, 05-04-05
You can either hold yourself up to the unrealistic standards of others, or ignore them and concentrate on being happy with yourself as you are.
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Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter can be said to remedy anything.
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Clare Booth Luce
They say that women talk too much. If you have worked in congress you know that the filibuster was invented by men.
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