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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Humorous Random Quotes - 115
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Angelina Jolie
If I think more about death than some other people, it is probably because I love life more than they do.
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John Adams
We have no government armed with power capable of contending with human passions unbridled by morality and religion. Avarice, ambition, revenge or gallantry would break the strongest cords of our Constitution as a whale goes through a net. Our Constitution is designed only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate for any other.
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Alfred Hitchcock
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
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Lee Iacocca
People want economy and they will pay any price to get it.
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Sarah Ban Breathnach
Learning to live in the present moment is part of the path of joy.
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Jennifer Louden
I define comfort as self-acceptance. When we finally learn that self-care begins and ends with ourselves, we no longer demand sustenance and happiness from others.
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Kurt Vonnegut
New knowledge is the most valuable commodity on earth. The more truth we have to work with, the richer we become.
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Ocean\'s Eleven
Rusty You look down, they know you're lying and up, they know you don't know the truth. Don't use seven words when four will do. Don't shift your weight, look always at your mark but don't stare, be specific but not memorable, be funny but don't make him laugh. He's got to like you then forget you the moment you've left his side.
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Helen Keller
I look upon the whole world as my fatherland, and every war has to me the horror of a family fued.
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Miguel de Cervantes
You cannot eat your cake and have your cake.
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Woody Allen, Without Feathers
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A DOE Unbearably lovely music is heard as the curtain rises, and we see the woods on a summer afternoon. A fawn dances on and nibbles slowly at some leaves. He drifts lazily through the soft foliage. Soon he starts coughing and drops dead.
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Sophie Tucker
I've been rich and I've been poor. Rich is better.
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