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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Sarcastic Random Quotes - 96
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Dan Quayle
It's time for the human race to enter the solar system.
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
If you get invited to your first orgy, don't just show up nude. That's a common mistake. You have to let nudity 'happen.'
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Leo Tolstoy
Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them.
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Aesop, The Fox and the Lion
Familiarity breed contempt.
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Child Age 7
I've learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sing Silent Night.
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Immanuel Kant
From such crooked wood as that which man is made of, nothing straight can be fashioned.
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Mark Twain
When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.
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Spike Milligan, from "The Goon Show"
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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Jerome K. Jerome, "Three Men in a Boat", 1889
I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
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George W. Bush, September 20, 2001
Every nation in every region now has a decision to make. Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists.
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Johann von Goethe
I never believed in trying to do anything. Whatever I set out to do I found I had already accomplished.
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Cicero
Be sure that it is not you that is mortal, but only your body. For that man whom your outward form reveals is not yourself the spirit is the true self, not that physical figure which and be pointed out by your finger.
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