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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Very Funny Random Short Quotes - 180

Arthur Golden

A mind troubled by doubt cannot focus on the course to victory.


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Evelyn Waugh

What is youth except a man or a woman before it is ready or fit to be seen?


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Steven Wright

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'


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Igor Stravinsky

I remember being handed a score composed by Mozart at the age of eleven. What could I say I felt like de Kooning, who was asked to comment on a certain abstract painting, and answered in the negative. He was then told it was the work of a celebrated monkey. 'That's different. For a monkey, it's terrific.'


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Robert Frost

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.But I have promises to keep,And miles to go before I sleepAnd miles to go before I sleep.


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Al Capone

You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.


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Albert Pike

A Human Thought is an actual Existence, and a Force and Power, capable of acting upon and controlling matter as well as mind.


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Dan Quayle

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.


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Margaret Cho, weblog, 01-27-04

Ugly. Is irrelevant. It is an immeasurable insult to a woman, and then supposedly the worst crime you can commit as a woman. But ugly, as beautiful, is an illusion.


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Tom Peters

Underpromise overdeliver.


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Joseph Conrad

Facing it, always facing it, that's the way to get through. Face it.


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John Fitzgerald Kennedy

When at some future date the high court of history sits in judgment on each one of us-recording whether in our brief span of service we fulfilled our responsibilities to the state-our success or failure, in whatever office we may hold, will be measured by the answers to four questions-were we truly men of courage ... were we truly men of judgment ... were we truly men of integrity ... were we truly men of dedication



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