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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funniest Random Short Quotes - 159
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Evan Esar
You can't do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth.
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Dwight D. Eisenhower
We merely want to live in peace with all the world, to trade with them, to commune with them, to learn from their culture as they may learn from ours, so that the products of our toil may be used for our schools and our roads and our churches and not for guns and planes and tanks and ships of war.
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W. Somerset Maugham
Tolerance is another word for indifference.
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Dorothy Parker
I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
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Willa Sibert Cather
That is happiness to be dissolved into something complete and great.
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Fyodor Dostoevsky
The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering its prisons.
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Albert Gallatin
The whole of the Bill of Rights is a declaration of the right of the people at large or considered as individuals... It establishes some rights of the individual as unalienable and which consequently, no majority has a right to deprive them of.
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Lois McMaster Bujold, "Brothers in Arms"
The will to be stupid is a very powerful force, but there are always alternatives.
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Robert Orben
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
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Seneca, Letters to Lucilius V
Fear keeps pace with hope. Nor does their so moving together surprise me; both belong to a mind in suspense, to a mind in a state of anxiety through looking into the future. Both are mainly due to projecting our thoughts far ahead of us instead of adapting ourselves to the present. Thus it is that foresight, the greatest blessing humanity has been given, is transformed into a curse.
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George Bernard Shaw, An Unsocial Socialist (1887) ch. 5
Do you know what a pessimist is? A man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.
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Unknown
Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
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