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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Clever Random Short Quotes - 158
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Johann von Goethe
I respect the man who knows distinctly what he wishes. The greater part of all mischief in the world arises from the fact that men do not sufficiently understand their own aims. They have undertaken to build a tower, and spend no more labor on the foundation than would be necessary to erect a hut.
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La Rochefoucauld
Philosophy triumphs easily over past evils and future evils but present evils triumph over it.
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Bob Ekstrom, Pitt, MN
Tongue - a variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.
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Space Ghost, Space Ghost - Musical Bar-b-cue
People judge you not by the size of your feet, but by whether your socks match.
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
I think a good gift for the president would be a chocolate revolver. And since he's so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him and hand it to him.
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Henry David Thoreau
Cultivate the habit of early rising. It is unwise to keep the head long on a level with the feet.
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Cornelius Tacitus
In stirring up tumult and strife, the worst men can do the most, but peace and quiet cannot be established without virtue.
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Mahtma Gandhi
Non-violence is the greatest force at the disposal of mankind.
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M. F. K. Fisher, O Magazine, November 2003
Sharing food with another human being is an intimate act that should not be indulged in lightly.
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Lewis Carroll
It is one of the great secrets of life that those things which are most worth doing, we do for others.
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Finley Peter Dunne
Many a man that couldn't direct you to the drug store on the corner when he was 3 will get a respectful hearing when age has further impaired his mind.
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G. K. Chesterton
If there were no God, there would be no Atheists.
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