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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Humorous Random Quotes and Sayings - 25

Mark Twain, (attributed)

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.


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Ramsay Clark

Turbulence is life force. It is opportunity. Let's love turbulence and use it for change.


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Lester Case

It's tough watching a good idea lose because its backers are less eloquent or have less clout than its opponents.


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Carl W. Buechner

They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.


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Walter Savage Landor

We are no longer happy as soon as we wish to be happier.


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Aristotle, Politics

Law is order, and good law is good order.


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Lao-Tzu, Tao Te Ching

Heaven endures and the earth last a long time because they do not live for themselves.


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George Washington

Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow grow, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation.


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Hunter S. Thompson

I have a theory that the truth is never told during the 9 to 5 hours.


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Ralph Waldo Emerson

The only way to have a friend is to be one.


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Mary Wilson Little

Politeness is one half good nature and the other half good lying.


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George Will

In the 1940s a survey listed the top seven discipline problems in public schools talking, chewing gum, making noise, running in the halls, getting out of turn in line, wearing improper clothes, not putting paper in wastebaskets. A 1980s survey lists these top seven drug abuse, alcohol abuse, pregnancy, suicide, rape, robbery, assault. (Arson, gang warfare and venereal disease are also-rans.)



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