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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Very Funny Random Quotes and Sayings - 70
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John Wilmot
Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.
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Derek Curtis Bok
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
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Diane Wakoski
Learning to live what you're born with is the process, the involvement, the making of a life.
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Roosevelt, Eleanor
Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
Some folks say it was a miracle. Saint Francis suddenly appeared and knocked the next pitch clean over the fence. But I think it was just a lucky swing.
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Vartan Gregorian
The book is here to stay. What we're doing is symbolic of the peaceful coexistence of the book and the computer.
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Michel de Montaigne
When all is summed up, a man never speaks of himself without loss; his accusations of himself are always believed; his praises never.
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Author Unknown
It is impossible to make wisdom hereditary.
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William Jennings Bryan
Do not compute the totality of your poultry population until all the manifestations of incubation have been entirely completed.
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Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
How can you come to know yourself Never by thinking, always by doing. Try to do your duty, and you'll know right away what you amount to.
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Japanese Proverb
Never rely on the glory of the morning nor the smiles of your mother-in-law.
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Catfish Hunter
The sun don't shine on the same dog's ass all the time.
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