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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funny Random Short Quotes - 181
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Loretta Lockhorn
I'd better get off the phone now, I've already told you more than I heard myself.
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Denis Watley
If you believe you can, you probably can. If you believe you won't, you most assuredly won't. Belief is the ignition switch that gets you off the launching pad.
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
If you're a boxing referee, it's probably illegal to wear a bow tie that spins or changes colors.
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Warren Buffett
I'll tell you why I like the cigarette business. It cost a penny to make. Sell it for a dollar. It's addictive. And there's a fantastic brand loyalty.
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Anon.
Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad.
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Hellen Keller
We can do anything we want to if we stick to it long enough.
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then when somebody comes up act like they just woke up and go, 'What was THAT'
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Theodore Roosevelt
The only man who never makes mistakes is the man who never does anything.
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Charles J. C. Lyall
There are four things that hold back human progress. Ignorance, stupidity, committees and accountants.
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Henry Havelock Ellis
The sun, the moon and the stars would have disappeared long ago... had they happened to be within the reach of predatory human hands.
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Oscar Levant
When you give up drinking, you have to deal with that wonderful personality that started you drinking in the first place.
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Antoine De Saint-Exupery
All men have the stars, but they do not mean the same things for different people. For some they are guides, for others, no more than little lights in the sky. But all these are silent. You--you alone have the stars as no one else has them
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